Oh Lawdy Louise! Break out the legs and the gothic leg braces, because Anne Hathaway is about to be arrested by the Fashion Police. The usually beautiful actress appeared at the New York City premiere of Les Miserables wearing what can only be described as an extraterrestrial leg clamp – seriously, aliens wear this type of thing all the time! It’s all the rage on Gliese. But wait! There’s more! Hang on to your eyes readers, because this story is about to take a turn down south. When Hathaway exited her car, not only did the alien leg brace take centre court like a satellite fart at SETI, Hathaway also flashed her naked va-jay-jay to the relentless glare of the media’s cameras. It just said “peek-a-boo” and popped out underneath her Tom Ford outfit like a hidden Indian kid.
The dress – obviously made in hell – looked like a wizard’s outfit worn by someone on the verge of a nervous breakdown – or a bad acid trip. The oh-so-black, frumpy design gave Hathaway a very Hunchback of Notre Dame look, sans the naïve love story of acceptance and beauty in ugly. It also had a cape! It had a friggin’ cape! Did someone drug Hathaway with bath salts and tell her that she was going to a Voldemort re-enactment party? The hideousness was unparalleled.
We know Oscar season is heating up and this wicked witch of the week needs to go all out with campaigning, but seriously, couldn’t someone – anyone? – stop this horror from being burned into our memories for eternity? Not only did we buy caustic soda to burn our eyes with, but we also asked our doctor to perform a lobotomy before Christmas. (On us, not on Hathaway).
Anne, a little word of advice, even if someone is an internationally recognized designer and you’re all for being alternative-looking; don’t trust the advice. Never, ever trust the advice. It’s like an STD and Boney M – When you hear The Clap, don’t follow the crap.
Editor’s note: Why would anyone think Anne exposing herself in public was accidental? I certainly don’t. Especially not in Oscar season – she now has the material for her little acceptance-speech joke in hand. No doubt she’s rehearsing it already.
NSFW Anne Here