If you don’t know that Prince William and his lovely wife, Kate Middleton, are pregnant, you deserve a bitch slap and a Real Housewives marathon. Yes, the Duchess of Cambridge is as pregnant as Kate Gosselin – most probably with twins. While most entertainment media outlets have been flooded with articles about Kate Middleton’s impending pink babes, Celeb Dirty Laundry decided to take a look at the impact a baby – or babies – would have on the Royal family at large.
Latest reports have revealed that Kate is planning to name the baby after Prince William’s mother, as the name “Diana” has always been a beautiful moniker for Kate. The repercussions of such a naming would most probably have Queen Elizabeth, Prince Charles, and the horrific Camilla Parker-Bowles reaching, all teary-eyed, for a crate of Tequila and Happy Hour specials at the local pub.
We all know how the heavily publicized relationship between Charles and Princess Diana ended, and we also know how the Queen had her panties in a twist over Diana’s public life. Therefore, the royal-slap-in-the-face of naming the child Diana will only force the archaic family to re-visit long forgotten memories and nostalgic bygones of the most iconic figure in human history. And no-one wants that. However, Karma is a catastrophic bitch, and it always comes back to haunt you during your Golden Era. The Windsors, currently at the height of popularity due to Kate’s addition to the family, cannot afford to lose their standing with the public. Unfortunately for them, a naming as controversial as this will only flare up old feelings and emotions in the royalist community.
Prince Charles, the bipolar lover, once upon a time loved Princess Diana as much as he loved Camilla, but their relationship was scarred and mangled by the gauntlets of public opinion and familial pressure. Camilla, on the other hand, managed to win the biggest prize on the planet – a one-way ticket to Prince Charles’ bedroom – all at the expense of the beautiful Princess Di. (We have a sneaky suspicion that Camilla will rip out her hair like a raving lunatic at the baby’s official baptism) The Queen, the head honcho of this group of tragic-faces, will in all probability force Kate and William to rename the baby, as Diana’s name has clearly left lesions on the Windsor’s carpets.
The secretive family managed to cover up their tracks when Diana was concerned, but the Windsors have long since moved away from these traditional and ancient ways. Today, they are a modern family with rationalized values. Secrets cannot be kept for too long in today’s interconnected world, so we expect the fallout from the baby’s naming to shock and rip this family apart like an asteroid impact over Christmas.
In six or seven months that ticking baby bomb will explode, whether it’s a he, a she, them, or a Diana.
