L. Ron Hubbard started one of the most outlandish religions in the 50’s and now, on its’ 60th birthday, Scientology has come to the forefront like never before.
Scientology is based on a belief that mankind’s problems stem from a despotic alien called Xenu who fought an intergalactic war over 75 million years ago, much like that daytrip you had as a volunteer coordinator at the Schizophrenics-R-Us club. Critics have labeled Scientology as a cult and under US tax law; it is still registered as a religion, meaning it could rake in millions without anyone looking. Scientology has amassed millions of followers, including John Travolta, Kelly Preston, Kirstie Alley, Priscilla Presley (we always knew Elvis is still alive) and the infamous Tom Cruise.
Katie Holmes doesn’t want to see her daughter raised in a Scientology environment and we’re pretty sure that the present day leader David Miscavige, who was also the best man at Tom’s wedding to Katie, is not very pleased. We’re imagining David sitting there, stroking a furless cat and throwing a potato at his fridge, violent from anger.
Tom’s daughter Isabella (19) with Nicole Kidman was sent to attend The Delphian high school, a rural Scientology school that is labeled as a K-12 private school in unincorporated Yamhill County, Oregon. It is a feeder school for the cult’s Sea Organization, the labour corps of poorly-paid clergy who staff the group’s affiliated companies. It gets better, in order to join Sea Org, members have to sign a billion year contract, binding them to Scientology in this life and the next. Therefore, you’re not just stuck in a cult dreamed up by a crazy person for the rest of your life, but also for every reincarnation for the next billion years. Yes, billion, with a B! That’s the equivalent of being in a high school filled with cool kids, who taunt you on a daily basis for your emo nature, for a BILLION years! Just slobber and smile.
Once you get inside the seventh circle of hell inner circles of Scientology, it is very difficult to leave. The contract overrides family bonds, so they can kick your Aunt Mildred in the head if she doesn’t want you to go to cray-cray school. It has been reported that children as young as 5 are sent to live at Sea Org. “Yes, Johnny, it’s a wonderful land filled with talking fish, hence the Sea!” It’s not like a perfect Utopia, but is more like a militaristic boot camp, as several ex-Scientologists have explained.
According to express.co.uk, “Debbie Cook, a former Scientology church executive, said that ‘long and harsh’ punishments were handed out to those who displeased Miscavige. Cook’s experiences allegedly included physical assaults and 45 days’ imprisonment at a detention centre known as the Hole. She also claimed that after she left Scientology she was shadowed everywhere. There’s a procedure when someone of significance blows [defects],’ she testified. ‘People are put on tracking you down. They’re sent to the airport, the bus stop. They’re sent to where your family is.’
This is freakier than we ever imagined. All jokes aside, it is only a matter of time before David Miscavige decides to give the members “something to drink” and we’re really afraid that this will be a massacre of epic proportions. We’re all for live and let live, but this sounds more destructive than we ever thought.
What do you think readers? Should there be some form of investigation into Scientology? Should someone close these crazy people down? Let us know in the comments below.
