Julia Roberts eats angels for breakfast. How else could she have such a warm, endearing smile? It is this trademark that made Roberts the most famous actress of our generation. We spent many nights crying on the Pretty Woman video while rewinding the VHS with shaking fingers and half-chewed pencils. We had to watch it again. We had to watch her fall in love again. It was Julia Roberts. How could we resist?
Today, a decade or so later, we struggle to remember Julia Roberts. Her magnificent rise to stardom ended abruptly when she married Danny Moder. She faded into obscurity, raised a few kids, and resigned to living a simple life. Unfortunately, Hollywood never dies – it just eats Renee Zellweger’s career and lies in wait for its next victim.
According to The Enquirer, “Now that bikini season is in full swing, Julia Roberts is making sure she’s the only ‘Pretty Woman’ to catch her hunky hubby’s eye. The 45-year-old Oscar-winner star has been visiting a Malibu ‘cellulite specialist’ to zap her unsightly problem areas, says a source – and to keep husband Danny Moder’s eyes focused on her!”
The Enquirer alleges that Roberts pays $300 per session at Veronica’s Skin and Body Care spa in Malibu, where a “fat buster” machine sends “acoustic impulses” to break down the cellulite. The woman had three kids. Cut her some slack. It’s not like she’s hiding Kirstie Alley under there!
“Julia is determined NOT to turn into a flabby, covered-up, stroller-pushing, jeans-wearing housewife,” reveals a loving source. “Danny is a fitness freak, and one of her biggest fears is that he will be checking out hot bikini babes on the beach while she hides under an umbrella. That’s why Julia’s been getting cellulite treatment. It’s nonsurgical, takes about an hour, and it keeps her skin looking smooth and tight.”
Julia calls it “marriage insurance”. Moder calls it Baywatch. We call it obsessed.
Our Pretty Woman VHS broke a decade or so ago. We smashed it on the floor and cried. We couldn’t handle the emotional scenes anymore, plus the pencil broke and the VHS machine ate the tape. Roberts is now just a woman with a bumpy bum and a lovely smile.
Remember, Hollywood never dies – it just eats Julia Roberts’ career and lies in wait for its next victim.