Hey y’all! It’s another Southern fried drama starring disgraced TV chef Paula Deen. Quicker than you can say “Oops! I destroyed my career!” the good folks at the National Enquirer peered into their trusty crystal balls, and have revealed that Paula’s husband of nine years, tugboat captain Michael Groover, 57, has been caught trying someone else’s fried green tomatoes!
Apparently, a friend of Paula’s told her that the good captain has a secret mistress that he’s been carrying on with for more than a year, and just like General Sherman blazing his way through Atlanta, Miss Paula went on a Southern fried tirade and let her wandering hubby have it with every pot in her designer cookware line.
The former Food Network darling went all Civil War on her tugboat steering hubby and confronted him with the evidence. Needless to say, there was no Southern hospitality being offered in this marital squabble. Remember the Hatfields and the McCoys and how they tried to arbitrate their differences? Well, after Paula politely asked her husband if the rumors were true, they embarked on an argument the likes of which, rivaled anything those two feuding families had to offer in the way of settling their hash.
Or rather Paula settled her cheating snake of a hubby’s hash so badly that he stormed out! According to the Enquirer, Captain Groover’s mistress is a very sexy middle-aged brunette. Not only has the mistress brazenly entertained him once a week for a year at her Wilmington Island house, she’s known the fair captain and his family for years.
They made no secret of the fact that they were hooking up right under Paula’s nose, often going out for drinks, but poor Paula was in the dark as many a hoodwinked wife is when her husband decides to sail in another woman’s dingy.
After flinging the grits of accusation, tugboat Groover actually had a little spine left to feel insulted and stormed out in a self-righteous snit. He denied everything to his wife’s face, which considering how much crap she’s had to put up with in the kitchen, is an accomplishment in itself.
He’s got a pair on him to rival any steamboat chugging up and down the mighty Mississippi. But soon in a scene right out of Gone with The Wind, both Scarlett and Rhett cooled down long enough to look at this logically. Michael denied everything to his wife—who clearly wears the pants in that family—and swore his undying love and fidelity.
But like many a wife who’s heard it all and then some from a cheating louse, she wasn’t buying it. Can you blame her? I wonder how long it will be before Paula decides to sink her hubby’s tugboat?
I declare this another Fort Sumter in the making! Someone load the cannons!
Photo Credit: FameFlynet