The directionless One Direction (ha!) will be taking an indefinite hiatus after the release of their fifth studio album in 2016. A devastating emotional earthquake rippled through the Twittersphere with millions of One Directioners tweeting mournful soliloquies about 1D. Five years ago, Simon Cowell created the X-Factor UK Supergroup. Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Louis Tomlinson and Liam Payne invaded the music industry like a group of horny, underage teenagers that snuck past the bouncers at a Victoria’s Secret lingerie show. And as the saying goes, “The rest is history.”
Zayn Malik was the first to leave the group ala John Lennon post-Yoko Ono. His departure signalled the end of an epoch. However, the remaining members – and Simon Cowell’s PR people – deny Malik’s departure as the reason for the hiatus.
According to an exclusive insider for Celeb Dirty Laundry, “The group is in shambles. After Zayn left, some of the guys thought it was the ideal time to call it quits. Even though they’re contractually bound to produce another album and a tour, they’re allowed to – how should I put this? – ‘go their separate ways’.”
Which is exactly what they’re doing at the moment. The world might be their oyster, but once you’ve eaten more oysters than your fragile man-child stomach can handle, the world is more like Salmonella on a plate. It doesn’t matter whether or not Zayn is to blame – you’d also hang up your proverbial boots if you’ve spent the past five years touring the world with the biggest boyband since Jim Jones and The Kool-Aid Acolytes.
Is this the end of One Direction?
Don’t get your hopes up, haters. The music industry might be a fickle place, but we’re not talking about Owl City and/or Carly Rae Jepsen. No, no, this is One Direction. Even if they split up like Iranian atoms, there will always – and I mean always – be a place for them in our hearts, our vomit, and our televisions. Like inside our televisions. By the time they reunite, give or take a decade, we’ll all be stuck in our television screens because Donald Trump said so.
One direction isn’t always the best direction. Just ask Siri – she’ll point you in the right direction.
Image credit to FameFlynet