The witchy Teresa Giudice is legally dumb. Her pre-felon horrorlips have been pursing non-stop since her guilty plea. Unless you’ve been living in a bomb shelter since 1952, you’ve probably heard that the Real Housewives of New Jersey star and her husband, Joe Giudice, committed fraud, tax evasion, and career suicide. Hit it, Roy Orbinson. “When you said, ‘So long’/Left me standing all alone/Alone and crying, crying/Crying, crying”
Yes, Teresa is crying like Meryl Streep at an Oscar auction. Best backstabber friend Dina Manzo has been wiping up the tears with a rusted mop (it stained her linoleum floor). She’s been shushing and hushing and brushing Teresa’s cracked ego ever since Giudicigate started.
But little does Folsom Prison Teresa know that her so-called BFF (hate that word!) recently stole a knife from the Backstab Department at Home Depot. Teresa’s dirty little secrets leapt from Manzo’s mouth and landed on the entire cast of RHONJ. Now everyone knows everything about Teresa’s everything!
Giudicileaks does have a nice ring to it…
An exclusive source told CDL, “Teresa has reached her breaking point. She can’t stop crying. Bravo’s producers are getting tired of her incessant rambling. They try to keep it quiet, but everyone on set knows that Teresa is heading for a nervous breakdown. I have no idea how she’s going to survive prison.”
We don’t either. When Teresa’s lips start falling off…
“Dina told us everything about Teresa. There are so many secrets still hidden in her closet. If the press were to find out… Well, it won’t be pretty.”
TERESA’S 8 RULES FOR SURVIVING PRISON:
1. Don’t trust anyone. They literally backstab you.
2. Porridge? No, not porridge.
3. Smile at the scary ones.
4. Bob The Builder is a real housewife.
5. Don’t cry. Bob The Builder hates crying.
6. Don’t be a bitch.
7. Never say no to Bob The Builder.
8. Don’t sleep. Never, ever sleep.
And that is how you solve a problem like Teresa!
What do you think? Why is Dina Manzo a horrible person? Will Teresa survive prison? Let us know your valuable thoughts in the comments below.
Image credit to FameFlynet
