Justin Bieber has come a long way from shaking his golden locks rocking out with the Obamas. Since moving away from home, hanging out with rappers (and Victoria’s Secret models), being compared to Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney, the doll faced tween is now a grown man. Although Justin has agreed to get back with Selena Gomez, all he really wants is a beer and a blunt. His impeccable image was only a façade. All young people experience woes, but all young people don’t have access to millions of dollars to support their habits and desires.
Justin’s ‘muscle’ (HA!), and new best friend that money can buy, Lil Twist, was pulled over for speeding recklessly in Bieber’s shiny sports car. The Young Money soldier, was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence racing towards Justin’s home. The officers took him in after they smelled Kush coming from the vehicle. This wanna-be is clearly using Justin for his Hollywood shine, celeb status, mansion hangout, and fast cars. Justin is constantly on tour while doing interviews, rehearsing, and probably having sleepovers with Usher. Yet, the thrill seeking duo has caused the local Home Owners’ Association to rally against the fading star. NFL old head, Keyshawn Johnson, has launched a public war against the heart throb’s fast and furious antics. Now we know, it’s likely Lil Twist disregarding the neighborhood kids playing outside with his killer speed. When Lil Twist is behind the wheel, he gets to feel what it would be like to be Justin Bieber. A paparazzo was killed chasing Bieber’s car, ironically being driven by Lil “Moocher” Twist.
Instead of Kate Middleton’s royal baby, we get an old video of Justin Bieber blessing a cleaning bucket with a golden shower. Justin is way too busy, and cool to use an actual bathroom. The video shows the bad dancing follower, taking an ‘A-list piss’ in a mop bucket before spraying a photo of Bill Clinton with cleaning liquid and yelling “F*** Bill Clinton!” America didn’t even know the saggy skinny pants wearing kitten tickler spoke that way.
But here’s the good news for all you Beliebers, Justin Bieber’s pissed-in mop bucket is on sale at eBay – bidding starts at $10,000 – urine sold separately. The entitled talent is doing everything right according to Hollywood law. He even got a nightclub fined for serving him alcohol. It’s the same reason Kim Kardashian married Kanye West, Lamar Odom spazzed out some paps, and Selena Gomez is hanging on for dear life – do whatever it takes to hog the media’s shine. It’s the rules of the game.
Look on the bright side: When the groupies get old, we can read their tell-all stories. When the money is gone, and Bieber’s fame vanishes, he will always have #TeamTwist
